If you’re anything like me, this year you know that Target has become a battle zone.
The mall is practically a peep show for all the skin that’s offering itself from the manikin’s.
It’s bathing suit buying season.
Now, I do have to say “bathing suit buying” season because, currently, it’s about 42 degrees with a good chance of snow and rain tonight – not exactly good swimming weather. Resting in the “good fortune” of being land-locked, and the impossibility of swimming for at least the next two months, my bathing suit response mechanism was relegated to some small corner of my brain. Tucked deep in that box that I left most of my insecurities about arm jiggle, leg jiggle, and double chins.
That is…until Trey was coerced into filling a very last-minute spot on a trip to a conference, and asked me to come along…to…South Padre Island.
And that shit box in my brain violently, explosively, blew its lid off.
Ahh! No! Not a bathing suit! My mind was a wreck. There were insecurities of body parts scattered all across my self-confidence sector. My “ability to hold a complete conversation” line was draped in a piece of insecurity of my torso. My “writing skills” were covered by slices of arm and leg jiggle.
Never have I ever… wanted to crash diet so badly.
Fruits and veggies only!
No dairy!
Carbs are out! (which is particularly dumb, considering I don’t eat meat. See? I was a wreck.)
A week? I can lose ten pounds in a week! No problem! ONLY then will I be confident in a bathing suit on the beach! That’s my ONE shot at being happy at the beach!
Then, there was this sweet little whisper in my soul. Something about how at the beach, the most beautiful thing…is the beach. And trying to one up the place that my heart feels at peace and rest, or at least trying to muck it up with insecurities, is not how I wanted to spend this trip.
Another whisper about how balanced meals are the best and most nourishing way for your body to look like God made it to. A reminder about how I’m all about nourishment.
Also, I fought at the battle of Binge and Purge a long time ago…and I won. So I don’t have to go there again.
I re-learn every day that self-confidence is, and should never, be about what you or anyone else says about you. Words are bullshit. People will always have rude things to think and say about people, and they’ll always want to tell you good things to your face. Self-confidence isn’t co-dependent on what people say. Thank God, too. Because people say a lot of dumb stuff. And what they don’t say, it’s easy for us to fill in the blanks with what our own insecurities tell us.
Confidence is an inward realization.
Plus, irony of irony, when I decided that I’d just work out like I usually do, eat well, and stop worrying about being insecure…I got a terrible cold. Seriously, I feel like butt. So working out is out of the question.
Funny, right?
So now, all I really can do is stop worrying, eat well, and pack light…Which might not be a bad mantra.
Stop worrying, eat well, pack light.
I love you,
Jackie
PS. Maybe you’re wondering about food…considering this is a food blog. Honestly, I couldn’t decide what to include in this actual post. I’m having so much fun adventuring with non-meat stuff, that I’ve probably taken a photo at every meal since New Year’s. ..and I didn’t want it to get too long.
So, I added a couple of new favorite recipes, with commentary, under the Recipes. section.
Here they are:
Check ‘em out. Use them. Add to. Explore. Share.
Love.
J
